Nächste Veranstaltung: Festmesse zum Stephanstag in der Kirche St. Georg in Friedberg-Bachern. Wir sind für alle Schandtaten zu haben! Herzlich willkommen auf der Homepage der "Men in Blech"! Wir sind ein Blechbläserquintett aus dem Raum Aichach-Friedberg und musizieren zusammen in der Besetzung zwei Trompeten, Horn, Posaune, Tuba seit Herbst 2003. Angefangen hat alles im sinfonischen Blasorchester des Bezirks 14 des Allgäu-Schwäbischen-Musikbundes: Dort heckten fünf furchtlose Blechbläser, die sich zum Teil von ihren musikalischen Anfängen an kannten, den verwegenen Plan aus, einmal auf eigene Faust etwas Musikalisches versuchen zu wollen. Ohne Dirigenten, Holzbläser oder sonst jemanden, der ihnen zu sagen hätte, was und wie sie spielen sollten. Nach einigen Beratungskonferenzen in der geheimen Kommandosache legten die feschen Burschen schließlich ihr Herz auf die Zungen und spielten fortan mit der Leidenschaft im Trichter landauf-landab Blechmusik aus aller möglichen Komponisten Feder. Die "Men in Blech" waren geboren und füllten unnachahmlich unberechenbar zu allen möglichen und unmöglichen Anlässen die Luft in bayrisch Schwaben mit Klangwolken von bis dato unbekannten Ausmaßen. Sie bespielten Konzertsäle ebenso wie Kirchen, private Gemäuer und Biergärten ohne müde zu werden in ihrer Mission, diese unsere Musikwelt zu einem besseren Platz zu machen. Wir wünschen viel Spaß beim Stöbern auf unseren Seiten und würden uns über einen Gästebucheintrag oder auch ein Engagement riesig freuen. The Firearm Blog. Here’s an earlier version of my rifle with firearms model Jennifer Price and Fighting Sheep Dog owner, John Young. Photo courtesy of Oleg Volk. The dramatic rise in number of firearms being purchased by women across the country today is undisputable. The message is clear: Women ( myself included ) want to shoot. We want to arm ourselves for hunting, competition, home defense, and even just plinking! However, a lot of firearm manufacturers haven’t caught up with the times. Does This Quad Rail Make Me Look Fat? Many gun manufacturers are guilty of taking a bulky quad rail, painting it pink, and slapping the label “For the Lady Shooter” on it. UGH! The gun can always be Cerakoted to change it to whatever color or design she wants. The bulky parts don’t change the fact that they were designed for MEN with larger hands and longer arms. The color isn’t what makes it a “ladies” firearm accessory! Women are built differently than men! We typically have smaller hands, a smaller build/frame, some women (especially if they start shooting later in life like I did) are recoil-averse and don’t want a LOUD bang when they shoot. For most shooters, the firearms and accessories selected for HER gun need to be different than the one selected for HIS! Granted, there are exceptions to every rule, but this happens a LOT more often than you think! What to Look for in Rifles and Accessories for Her: For my first lightweight AR-15, I went with a pencil profile barrel and an adjustable .625 gas block. I pinned and welded the custom comp hider our company designed (Fighting Sheep Dog’s K9-1). The Mission First Minimalist stock was a no-brainer, as was the low-mass PVD-coated bolt carrier group. The Ergo pistol grip has a slimmer profile, perfect for my smaller hands. The Strike Industries slimline Keymod handguard is easy to get my hands around. In other words, lightweight EXTERNALLY. Here’s an earlier version of my rifle with firearms model Jennifer Price and Fighting Sheep Dog owner, John Young. Photo courtesy of Oleg Volk. However INSIDE the firearm is a different story. I used a heavy buffer to control the recoil and our comp-hider pushes the gas out of the sides of the brake like an NHRA Top Fuel Funny car, rather than back and into my shoulder. The flat bottom on the brake controls muzzle rise as well. The point here being that the lighter weight typically equals more recoil. If you’re going to go lightweight, you’ve GOT to balance the weight reduction by controlling the recoil, otherwise the gun will actually kick harder and therefore make it less fun to shoot. …NOT just paint it pink. The Fighting Sheep Dog K9-1 Comp Hider. It’s important to note that NONE of the parts I selected for my carbine were labeled for “women shooters”, but these particular parts are even more perfect for a typical woman’s build than a lot of the parts being pushed on the market today! And it ain’t just true for rifles! What to Look for in Pistols and Accessories for Her: The best rule of thumb when it comes to pistol selection for the lady in your life (or perhaps to the lady reading this) is to let her shoot it first! I can’t tell you how many times I have performed a background check on a transfer for a gentleman purchasing a .38SPC revolver for his wife who is new to shooting firearms! The very first time my husband put a gun in my hands, I shot a Rossi snubnose .38 revolver. I put half a box of ammo through it and decided if THAT was what it would be like to shoot a gun, then I never wanted to shoot another one again! Of course, I’ve since changed my mind after firing a variety of other calibers and currently have my EDC Glock 42 (the single-stack .380) or a backup Charter Arms in .22M (the S&W clone). If she’s new to firearms, start her off with a rimfire. Yes, I realize I’m opening the can of worms for the “knockdown power” debate, but here’s the thing – if you buy one that kicks too hard, she won’t practice with it. If she doesn’t practice with it, she won’t use it if/when the time comes for her to defend herself. The worst gun to own is the one that gets left behind, locked in the safe, when it should have been used for defense. Regardless of what she picks out, she can still customize it with the perfect sights, Cerakote, and other accessories. Cerakote by Fighting Sheep Dog. Photo courtesy of Oleg Volk. What if I could tell you the fastest, easiest way to shop for firearms for the lady in your life? The Easiest Way to Shop for Her: Take her with you! Put the gun in her hands before you buy it! Spend some time together at the range and let her see what she likes and doesn’t like! …Not just what’s comfortable in her hands ( which is important ), …Not just trigger pull weight in both single and double action ( which is also important ), …But actually sending lead downrange. There are SO MANY varieties of handgun and rifle parts or accessories nowadays that the best choices COULD be endless for the “lady shooter” – if you know what to look for! Taking the time with our best “Girl Friday” to find the accessories that are most comfortable for HER gun will go a long way towards creating an enjoyable day at the range for all! Rachel Young is a 4x Best Selling Author. She and her husband John co-own Fighting Sheep Dog, an FFL/SOT showroom and machine shop in Knoxville, TN, specializing in ARs, AR parts, and AR accessories. Nice article, Rachel. My wife likes pink just fine, but if she isn’t satisfied that the ergos and weight suit her, then no amount of pastel color is going help sell her on a firearm. Good point about adjusting firearm accessory ergonomics for smaller hands to suit anatomical dimensions of most women. A lot of what you are saying (taking the person gun shopping not just gifting a gun, sticking to light-recoiling calibers to reduce gun-shyness and flinching, etc) apply to all novice shooter initiations. A child getting into firearms has nearly the same requirements and preferences as an adult in the same situation. The muzzle device pictured is a compensator/flash hider not a brake. While you are referring to it correctly in most of the article, one part under the second picture you call it a brake. I might sound pedantic but given the common misconceptions about muzzle device types, I think it is important to keep the terminology straight, especially if this is read by beginners. This is how my wife ended up with a Sig P238 Purple. She shot it better, had an easier time shooting it, and enjoyed it more than any of the other .380 or 9mm guns we tried. That I found one of the Purple variants that she loved came about after she settled on the P238. My wife has small hands, but claimed the first CZ PCR I brought home, as she preferred that over the SP-01 Tactical. After hand surgery, she switched to .38 Specials out of a large frame/short barrel .357 revolver. Pink was never a concern or option. The K9-1 Comp doesnt seem too well build, its too far over bore diameter to use the ports with top efficiency. Good article. Should also note that small doesn’t mean easy to shoot as well. My wife hates the Ruger LCP she bought and wants to get a revolver instead. She’s not a fan of flying brass and the slide. My wife is the same way, she naturally wants to cross one thumb over the other (despite me constantly gently correcting her) while holding a semiauto and hates having brass fly in her face. She liked how the heft of the Ruger GP-100 absorbed a lot of the recoil of .38 Spl, but there’s no way we could conceal that beast anywhere on her, even if we could get permits here in the DPRM (Democratic People’s Republic of Maryland). As a resident of the PSRM (People’s Sozialist Republik of Marxachusetts), I feel for you. When I worked at a gun store I noticed that the color of a gun was often the deciding factor for ladies who were just getting into the firearms community and had basically no prior expierence to work with. Also Tiffany blue was 100x more popular than pink. Oh and when ladies brought in a guy with them who was an “expert” he was more often than not more harm than good; however, if they brought a girl friend with them that had some firearms expierence she was a lot more valuable to the discussion. I think a lot of that stems from guys tendency to project their own beliefs about how something should be onto other people. I’m the opposite, my buddy asked what to buy, I was like “It’s like Pet Semmetary, you have to pick your own.” I did help her use a 380 and a 38 to get a frame of reference. 22 TCM is a great cartridge for beginners of any kind, very low recoil but plenty of “power”. Ammo is best bought online though. You can usually find the pink and purple ones on sale if you don’t mind a pink or purple gun. Never mess with a man that carries a purple gun. If his Crocs match, don’t walk, run. And if his bunny slippers match, you’re already doomed, you just don’t know it yet. I don’t care if you’re male or female, the Sapphire finish Kimber has is beautiful. Not gonna lie… I kinda want one of the Sapphire Kimbers to match my wife’s Sig P238 Purple, especially since the .380 ones are supposed to share magazines. After you’re into guns for a while and did the whole tacticool thing a few times eventually the idea of having a purple gun is silly enough to be appealing. Honestly I’m getting the impression the most secure gun possible is a raider pistol with a 9mm upper in pink with Tiffany blue tiger stripes,it ticks pretty much every box of ‘gun I, a serious professional, wouldn’t touch.’ Maybe add gold titanium plating for muzzle brake and controls just to be sure… oh and keymod. And now I want to make troll gun. Believe it or not, women are intelligent enough to pick their own gun if given a chance to handle and shoot some different options. Yeah, I always see guys in the store picking out their significant others firearm. Let the lady pick their own damn gun. I really enjoy your articles since the women’s perspective can be quite different than a man’s. I introduced my wife to shooting many moons ago and could write a book on what not to do LOL. The one fact I have noticed is it is advantageous to let another capable instructor teach a newbie wife or girl friend instead of just the husband or boy friend. The personal relationship can some times be a hindrance when hurt feelings get in the way of proper focus. I was a master of pissing off my girl friend, “now my wife of many years” when I tried to instruct her. When I would dress her down for an unsafe move the focus went to my attitude rather than the mistake. When another instructor did the exact same thing, all I saw was calm determination never to repeat the mistake again, which she never did. Good luck with your writing and by the way, your businesses cerakote jobs are outstanding. True story: Due to some poor habits, which I can only guess were not corrected in the gun course my wife took in FL (I was in AL), she struggles with hand position/grip on the striker-fired pistols she’s trying out (including our new Ruger 9E). I’ve shown her the vids, shown her on the 9E, let HER grip the 9E… and so on. It wasn’t until the range master at our local indoor took a marker and drew a freaking line across her thumbs that she “got” it. As soon as she had that mark to line up her thumbs, it was golden! By the way, after shooting an LCP, LC9s, Walther PPS M2 and a POC Kel-Tec 380, she STILL shoots the 9E better 🙂 (I’m eyeing that PPS M2, though. I like that gun!) Yup, many of my competitor buddies also had major fails trying to instruct their better halves and most of them are firearm instructors. Glad to hear your wife mastered her grip problem. I have never shot the PPS M2 but my daughter carries the Walther CCP. She competes with a Glock 34 but loves her Walther CCP for concealed carry. Good luck on doing more than eyeing that Walther 🙂 I own a Ruger 9E and can understand that the weight of that semi would make the gun more pleasant to shoot and control than the smaller arms you mentioned. I agree. Not only are female relations as student apt to respond differently emotionally, but the same applies to male relations as instructors. I always find it jarring seeing the differences in guys when they teach professionally and when they teach informally. As a male chauvinist pig, I would love to say you are wrong, but you are absolutely correct. Once both shooters evolve, the shooting sports can be one of the most enjoyable activities a couple can share together. Getting the kids involved is another can of worms but well worth the effort. The wife prefers her 1911 with Purple Hello Kitty Grips, her AR is highlighted with purple, it used to be all black but she took it away from me when I put on the slim quad rail and she felt real good gripping it so off to cerakote. It’s not black, so it’s not scary at all! Hey I like that. Imagine being outshot at the range by that.. Haha, you need to yell “hello kitty, muthaf@ck3r” when you let loose. In your best Samuel L. Jackson voice. You almost made me spit my coffee! LOL! EVERYONE…Male, Female (or whatever) before buying a first firearm for whatever purpose…not should…MUST see for themselves what they feel comfortable with…go to a range…SPEND some money, try out what you think you might like and (IMHO) shoot at least 50 rounds with someone familiar with that type of firearm…TRY BEFORE YOU BUY…what is comfortable for one opinionated individual may not be right for another individual…I try explaining this all the time to folks who are basically firearms ignorant…even offer to take ’em to the range myself… I always found the pink gun thing to be extremely patronizing. It kinda sounds like you’re saying the most important thing is choosing a firearm that suits the specific needs of the shooter and the intended role. Crazy concept, right? Turn the wife loose in the gun store, let her ask questions and try stuff, and pray to god she makes a decision before she reaches the H&K case. Rachel, you should check out the BCM mod-0 grip. That thing is too slim for my men’s size-medium gloved hands. But I bet it’s perfect for a women’s grip. This guy in the review section on the BCM website sums it up nicely “Reviewer: Steven from Arlington, TN United States. The smaller profile of the mod 0 actually makes my rife feel slimmer and lighter. The grip angle is much improved in comparison to a standard AR pistol grip. I highly recommend this model for people with smaller hands and people of smaller stature.” Bill the Cat being the old “Blech! Thpppt!” ? I was saying this same thing in the comments section for that ammo holder that looks like a makeup case. I’ll second both correct fit and letting her choose. My wife had a breakthrough with my 10/22 when I installed the shorter stock module so she was more comfortable. Based on this, if she ever tried my M&P 9 I will install the smallest grip and start with a light load. She also really likes the Ruger SR22 which was the first pistol she ever tried. That’s also an interesting piece of psychology because when we first shopped for an SR22 she was into the raspberry or lilac model but decided to go with black, because guns are serious. Oddly she still likes the idea of a muddy girl camouflage rifle stock. It also occurs to me that for intro training on revolvers light cowboy action loads are a way to get a new shooter comfortable before trying full power loads. Fighting sheepdog uhhhh. Sorry that name is awful. I’m going to name my new firearms the 3% Super Protection Corp. “The flat bottom on the brake controls muzzle rise as well.” Although the holes in the top of the brake and lack of holes in the bottom of the brake will help suppress muzzle rise, the fact that the brake has a flat bottom hardly matters for that purpose. One thing to consider is that a gun should actually look like a real gun. Part of self defense is the deterrent factor, which often helps make a criminal flee without a shot being fired. If a gun looks like a toy, if a gun doesn’t look threatening enough, then it’s not as likely to be a deterrent. This could cause the potential victim to have to shoot. Some people aren’t going to care. But the possible legal ramifications, buth civil and criminal, could be pretty bad even if the intended victim was legally justified in shooting. So, it makes sense to try to avoid shooting if possible. A gun doesn’t necessarily have to be black, but I would avoid any color not associated with guns. This would include pink or purple, which women often choose. I have a young woman friend that was looking to buy a gun for self defense. She was so intent on getting something that looked girlish that she ignored my explanation of the deterrent factor, and how the color could possibly make a gun look like a toy, and how a criminal might not take it serious, forcing her to have to shoot when she might otherwise not need to. Yes, it’s ultimately her choice, but when buying something as serious as a gun, something that seems as simple as color needs to be taken into account. Well they do say that in the old west, plenty of bad guys ran from nickle plated engraved pistols with mother of pearl handles – so I guess it has to have a reputation before making an impression. Such a lady could simply have pink floral grips, which are covered by the hand(s) when in use. I agree on starting them out on 22s – after all we don’t want to scare them off before they’ve even had a chance to familiarize themselves with the art of self defense. I myself LOVE the multicolored guns that have came out on the market hoping to attract more customers! If I had enough money I’d collect every one of them! I just can’t help getting a kick outta the fact that women are finally stepping onto the market and becoming partners in our 2nd A rights. I welcome them wholeheartedly, and any change in style or color is fine with me, if that does actually attract them to the sport and/or gun ownership. Tastes Like Diabetes. Edit Locked. This is an audience reaction to works that are strongly attempting to be kid-friendly— using almost all the tropes of cuteness and idealism, like there's some kind of checklist. 'Saccharine ' is the watchword. Viewers react to this with anything ranging from cutesy cuddling to violent revulsion. Always, there will be fun, colorful settings, Narm or generally hammy voice acting, an aversion to anything resembling death except for that one final and dramatic battle, and no matter the situation, if you have friends, you will win because you can only win with friends. The sun shines a lot, and when it's night, the moon is full and bright. Also, there is smiling. Tons of smiling. Even when it's not appropriate, there is smiling. The Big Bad is Obviously Evil with no attempt to look otherwise, and flips between being born evil (maybe even worse) or redeemable, depending on the story. Keep in mind that levity and sweetness are not necessarily bad. With proper usage, it may result in an enjoyable series where the cuteness is somehow justified or just part of the environment. When it monopolizes the series, or puts being adorable ahead of things like actual plots or likeable characters, then it becomes a problem. Cute in and of itself isn't wrong, but given an audience's general conditioning to the notion that Silly Rabbit, Idealism Is for Kids! and that Real Men Hate Sugar (a side effect of targeting masculine elements towards women as much as men), even this wiki has something of an aversion to cuteness as an entity as the incredibly long list of examples below attest. This cultural reaction is also one of the core reasons why American Kirby Is Hardcore. Not to be confused with Sweet Tooth or Sugar Bowl settings in general, as this is an Audience Reaction. Use caution when mixing with Gorn and Crapsack World as Grotesque Cuteness or Wide Eyed Idealism may result, respectively. Repeated consumption of this product may result in becoming a Glurge Addict. Be aware that excessive cheerfulness can be used to disguise a Crapsaccharine World. Also not to be confused with the real-life Types 1 and 2 diabetes , which are definitely not at all cute, sweet, or adorable! The complete works of Mary Engelbreit . Even her name tastes like diabetes. Cicely Mary Barker's Flower Fairies [1] certainly counts. Jeff Koons embodies this trope from his golden statue of Michael Jackson and pet monkey Bubbles to a 40-foot puppy statue made of flowers . The complete works of Margaret Keane, painter of huge-eyed children. Anne Geddes photographs of babies dressed as flowers and vegetables. The complete works of Brazilian Romero Brito. Deadpoolhangs a lampshade on this when reminiscing about his ex-wife : ". all this 'I love you snookie pie' and 'you too honey lips face head mush mush'. go into diabetic shock just walking by the place." Miss Martian of The DCU, which is especially interesting considering she's a White Martian. Which leads to fans thinking she's cuter in her true form. Lampshaded in Mark Waid's Empire with the line "I need insulin listening to you!" Spoofed in the Batman / Judge Dredd crossover Judgment on Gotham , where Scarecrow sprays Judge Death with his nightmare toxin, causing Judge Death to panic wildly over the sight of adorable ponies and cutesy little animals. Carl Barks found Christmas stories with An Aesop like this. Unfortunately, he was so good at it, that he got assignment after assignment. Love Is. . Concentrated and undiluted example. The Family Circus . almost no one but 6-year-olds and grandmothers actually finds it anything but sickeningly sweet. Rose Is Rose . FoxTrot has featured the iMac-parody the iFruit, which resembles a pear and features the sugar-sweet message "Welcome to iFruit. Hug me." When you turn it on. Subverted again in Munchkin Fu with the monster card "Big Eyes, Small Mouse." Its description? "Too cute to live. Your duty is clear." Candyland. "She's in Love" from The Musical version of The Little Mermaid (it's sung by Ariel's sisters and Flounder). Just. uughh. Subverted in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory : Veruca Salt is an adorable-looking, blonde, pink-clad, ballet-loving-down-to-the-tutu tot. and a Spoiled Brat extraordinaire who's All Take and No Give to her forever-accommodating dad. Their mutual "I Am" Song "When Veruca Says" is the cutesiest-sounding number in the show, too, playing up Lyrical Dissonance. When she decides she wants one of Willy Wonka's nut-sorting squirrels though, she learns the hard way that cute is not nice. The Sound of Music , despite its success on Broadway, became regarded as treacly and old-fashioned. The movie made some attempts to tone this down (e.g., changing the placements of some songs, casting actors who could try and add dimension to their roles) without completely eliminating it. Christopher Plummer still famously described the film version as "The Sound Of Mucus" because of this Trope. "A Google's Wish" by StickFreeks. What do you get when you mix a cat with a duck? You get Maneki Neko-Ducku, who makes everybody happy. Daria McGrain's artwork mostly shows this trope, but that doesn't excuse the fact that nearly all of her artwork is definitely NSFW. Shimejis are those cute little desktop mascots that run around your screen being practically useless, but utterly adorable. Some of the cutest ones include Pokemon, Homestuck, Hetalia, and etc. The "White Girls" meme apparently going around is probably related to works that evoke this reaction. Anne Geddes' baby pictures. The streetcar/tram system in Würzburg, Germany has a chorus of little kids announcing the next stop. Downright creepy, not to mention rather difficult for non-native speakers to understand. The Japanese street fashion Lolita has a crazy lovechild between Sweet Lolita and Decora; OTT Sweet Lolita. ◊ Almost everything made by the brand Angelic Pretty. With names like "Toy Fantasy", "Melody Doll", and "Sugary Carnival". yeah. And every print has accompanying big, glittery acrylic jewelry in shapes that relate to the print - ponies, teddy bears, candy, etc. Disney Theme Parks are full of this. "It's a Small World" is the most famous example, but the general "heartwarming and magical" aesthetic of parades, live shows, and so on can be wearying after a while, even for fans of the characters being featured. Even the most adult-oriented of the parks, Epcot in Florida, is occasionally prone to a little too much sugar making the Edutainment go down, though it likely was a lot worse when the park opened (think songs like "It's Fun to Be Free", "Making Memories", "Tomorrow's Child", etc.). Greeting cards. All of them. There's a reason Lisa Frank is the trope illustrator. Alternative Title(s): Sickeningly Sweet , Saccharine. Previous. TVTROPES. Tropes HQ. About Us Contact Us Advertising: advertising@proper.io DMCA Notice. TVTropes is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. 8 Reasons Why Men Want To Get Married More Than Women. “You’re just afraid to commit!” Every guy will hear this from some chick at some point in his life. And every guy knows she’s right…mostly. We are afraid to commit. Afraid to commit to the wrong crazyass chick. There are a shedload of upsides to commitment for a guy, but there are also a dumptruck’s worth of reasons not to. For instance, did you know that women initiate divorce more than men? And don’t forget that once she divorces you she can come after you for outrageous alimony and child support demands. These facts may be daunting, but they are nowhere near as awesome as the potential benefits of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. So magnificent are these benefits we are willing to risk that aforementioned bullshit in hopes of getting one. Make no mistake, a man’s need to bang is as defining to his masculinity as his need to stand up to pee. The idea of regular sack rolling with fresh conquests can be appealing, but nothing is more satisfying as sex with a loving partner. A lover that knows your tastes, kinks and fetishes, doesn’t judge and indulges them with soft touches and genuine passion is worth her weight in expensive, glittery rocks. Why else do you think we’d spend so much money on something so useless? Classes suck. Group assignment partners suck. Bosses suck. Coworkers suck. Traffic sucks. But a nurturing partner certainly does not. Entering the door of your home to share in the company that’s personally invested in your peace of mind is value a billionaire can’t buy. Yeah, it’s 2015 and a man can keep his own house without the help of a woman. But it’s nice knowing that when shit needs cleaning, you don’t have to do it all alone. Especially vacuuming. Blech. [Editor’s Note: Vacuuming is easy, Span. It’s folding laundry that’ll tear you down, piece by fucking piece.] A movie is $15 per ticket (NOT including IMAX). A decent new car is $20k. A house in a neighborhood you can safely park that $20k car in will cost between $250k-$600k. And the dingleberry cherry on that shit pie is that income disparity is at its highest in the U.S. since the Great Depression. Now more than ever, if you want to live a decent life you will need two incomes. Or one of you needs to walk that track, bitch. And they make high heels in men’s sizes, too. Even though we may not be in a rush to have kids (ANY rush whatsoever), we still want to have kids one day. And although pretending to make them with Bar Skank #86 can be a lot of fun, knocking her up is decidedly not. It’s a fucking nightmare as a matter of fact. A traditional marriage may or may not be our thing, but waiting until we have a good, quality chick is always preferable for starting a family. And we definitely want a family. How else are we gonna grow a human being in our own image? It’s like raising your own personal best friend! Whether we dig those too-thin minnies or Drake-flavored BBW’s, every guy likes showing off a hot piece of ass around his friends, family, work acquaintances, high school bullies and that bitch that fucked us over in high school when she knew you liked her but still kept fucking every athlete within a 50 mile radius…*ahem*. Yeah, so ummmm…yeah. A good looking girl on your arm is certainly vain, arrogant and selfish. But that doesn’t make it any less awesome. Dating is a numbers game. And if you ask any guy that goes out a lot, getting one out of ten girls to say ‘yes’ to a date is excellent. That means four girls politely refused, three girls probably laughed in your face, one cussed you out and one introduced you to her bodybuilder boyfriend that trains in MMA. You have a better chance of hitting a Verlander fastball than convincing a girl to let you feed her food and drinks at your expense. It sounds like a raw deal, because it is. But there is no risk without reward. Hopefully, if we do it enough, the reward is that marvelous young lady that’s worth committing to so you don’t have to look for any others ever again. Our hesitation to commit isn’t indicative of an inability to commit. Instead, it’s us patiently waiting for the assurance that when we do commit, it’s for real. As much as a woman wants that all encompassing love, so also do men. Probably even more so. Why else would we risk lots of rejection, buy expensive jewelry we can’t wear, take someone that will probably divorce us into our home to be the only girl we can have sex with, while raising a gaggle of resource-sucking children? That’s because we want to be in love too. So give us time to decide, ladies. We’re worth it.

Men in blech

Soon there will be no more eyewitnesses. The Holocaust is inexorably moving from personal testimony to textual narrative. Survivors, those who clung to life no matter how unbearable so that they could confirm the unimaginable and attest to the unbelievable, are harder to find after more than half a century. It is the written word that will have to substitute for the heart-rending tales of woe shared by those who endured hell on earth. That is, after all, all that will remain of six million victims. Holocaust authors have a daunting responsibility. Holocaust authors have a daunting responsibility. They must speak for those who cannot, but whose suffering demands to be remembered and whose deaths cry out for posthumous meaning. Their task transcends the mere recording of history. It is nothing less than a sacred mission. Holocaust literature, like the biblical admonition to remember the crimes of Amalek, deservedly rises to the level of the holy. For that reason I admire anyone who is courageous enough to attempt to deal with the subject. No, there will never be too many books about this dreadful period we would rather forget. No, we have no right to ignore the past because it is unpleasant or refuse to let reality intrude on our preference for fun and for laughter. And John Boyne is to be commended for tackling a frightening story that needs to be told to teenagers today in The Boy in the Striped Pajamas -- a fictional account of the Nazi era that uses the powerful device of a tale told from the perspective of its nine year old hero. I came to this book fully prepared to love it. Although the publisher insists that all reviewers not reveal its story, the back cover promises "As memorable an introduction to the subject as The Diary of Anne Frank ." And indeed the writing is gripping. The style, sharing with Anne Frank the distinctive voice of youth, is extremely effective. One can readily understand why the book has had such a strong impact on countless readers, become required reading in high school Holocaust courses round the country, and is about to be released as a major motion picture. How should one react to a book that ostensibly seeks to inform while it so blatantly distorts? If it is meant as a way of understanding what actually happened -- and indeed for many students it will be the definitive and perhaps only Holocaust account to which they will be exposed -- how will its inaccuracies affect the way in which readers will remain oblivious to the most important moral message we are to discover in the holocaust's aftermath? Without giving away the plot, it is enough to tell you that Bruno, the nine-year-old son of the Nazi Commandant at Auschwitz (never identified by that name, but rather as "Out-With" -- a lame pun I think out of place in context) lives within yards of the concentration camp his father oversees and actually believes that its inhabitants who wear striped pajamas -- oh, how lucky, he thinks, to be able to be so comfortably dressed --spend their time on vacation drinking in cafes on the premises while their children are happily playing games all day long even as he envies them their carefree lives and friendships! And, oh yes, this son of a Nazi in the mid 1940's does not know what a Jew is, and whether he is one too! And after a year of surreptitious meetings with a same-aged nine-year-old Jewish boy who somehow manages every day to find time to meet him at an unobserved fence (!) (Note to the reader: There were no nine-year-old Jewish boys in Auschwitz -- the Nazis immediately gassed those not old enough to work) Bruno still doesn't have a clue about what is going on inside this hell -- this after supposedly sharing an intimate friendship with someone surrounded by torture and death every waking moment! According to the book's premise, it was possible to live in the immediate proximity of Auschwitz and simply not know -- the defense of those Germans who denied their complicity. Do you see the most egregious part of this picture? As Elie Wiesel put it, the cruelest lesson of the Holocaust was not man's capacity for inhumanity -- but the far more prevalent and dangerous capacity for indifference. There were millions who knew and did nothing. There were "good people" who watched -- as if passivity in the face of evil was sinless. If there is to be a moral we must exact from the Holocaust it is the "never again" that must henceforth be applied to our cowardice to intervene, our failure to react when evildoers rush in to fill the ethical vacuum. Yet if we were to believe the premise of The Boy in the Striped Pajamas , it was possible to live in the immediate proximity of Auschwitz and simply not know -- the very defense of all those Germans after the war who chose to deny their complicity. True, Bruno in the story was but a boy. But I have spoken to Auschwitz survivors. They tell me how the stench of burning human flesh and the ashes of corpses from the crematoria filled the air for miles around. The trains traveling with human cargo stacked like cordwood screaming for water as they died standing in their natural wastes without even room to fall to the ground were witnessed throughout every countryside. Nobody, not even little German children who were weaned on hatred of the Jews as subhuman vermin could have been unaware of "The Final Solution." And to suggest that Bruno simply had no idea what was happening in the camp his father directed yards from his home is to allow the myth that those who were not directly involved can claim innocence. But it's only a fable, a story, and stories don't have to be factually accurate. It's just a naive little boy who makes mistaken assumptions. However that misses the point. This is a story that is supposed to convey truths about one of the most horrendous eras of history. It is meant to lead us to judgments about these events that will determine what lessons we ultimately learn from them. So what will the students studying this as required reading take away from it? The camps certainly weren't that bad if youngsters like Shmuley, Bruno's friend, were able to walk about freely, have clandestine meetings at a fence (non-electrified, it appears) which even allows for crawling underneath it, never reveals the constant presence of death, and survives without being forced into full-time labor. And as for those people in the striped pajamas -- why if you only saw them from a distance you would never know these weren't happy masqueraders! My Auschwitz friend read the book at my urging. He wept, and begged me tell everyone that this book is not just a lie and not just a fairytale, but a profanation. No one may dare alter the truths of the Holocaust, no matter how noble his motives. The Holocaust is simply too grim a subject for Grimm fairytales.

Men in blech

My parents told me many times how much they dreaded the Christmas season. Living in a little shtetl in Poland, they knew what to expect. The local parish priest would deliver his sermon filled with invectives against the Jews who were pronounced guilty of the crime of deicide, responsible for the brutal crucifixion of their god and therefore richly deserving whatever punishment might be meted out against them. No surprise then that the Christian time of joy meant just the opposite to the neighboring Jews. The days supposedly meant to be dedicated to “goodwill to all” were far too often filled with pogroms, beatings, and violent anti-Semitic demonstrations. Thankfully, those days are long gone. America is a land that preaches religious tolerance both by law and by culture. Christians and Jews are respectful of each other's religions, and while every so often an isolated incident may mar friendly relations between these faiths, we have in the main learned how to get along in a pluralistic society. Due to the vagaries of the Hebrew calendar, Christmas and Chanukah may coincide or appear in a variety of different permutations, but almost always they find Christians and Jews both celebrating their respective traditions in December. Today’s assault is on our eardrums, forced to endure the seemingly endless Christmas songs. And that “calendar conflict” seems to bother some Jews. Of course our problem with Christmas is nothing like the one that afflicted my parents in Poland. The only way we are assaulted today is by way of our eardrums, forced to endure the seemingly endless carols and Christmas songs that have become standard fare for this season. There are no attempts at forced conversions. No one makes us put up a miniature replica of the Rockefeller Center tree in our living rooms. No one beats us up because we choose not to greet others with a cheerful “Merry Christmas.” But still… I hear it all the time. Jews verbalizing their displeasure with public displays of Christian observance. Jews worried that somehow a department store Santa Claus will defile their own children. Jews in the forefront of those protesting any and every expression of religiosity coming from those with a different belief system than ours. Christmas, they claim, is by definition a threat to Judaism and to the Jewish people. And I believe they are mistaken. Yes, America was wise enough to posit the separation between church and state. We know the danger of governments favoring one religion over another. But the intent of the Founding Fathers was never to negate the importance of any religion. The United States identifies itself as “one nation under God.” Belief in a higher power has been the source of our divine blessing. And as Jews I think we ought to recognize that today the greatest challenge to our faith is not another faith, but faithlessness. Our greatest fear should not be those who worship in a different way but those who mockingly reject the very idea of worship to a higher power. Our children today are threatened by the spirit of secularism more than by songs dedicated to proclaiming a holy night. We live in an age in which Christopher Hitchens can find millions of dedicated readers devouring his best-selling works, God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, as well as The Portable Atheist: Essential Reading for the Nonbeliever. Living among Christians who demonstrate commitment to their religious beliefs to my mind is a far better example to my coreligionists than a secular lifestyle determined solely by hedonistic choices. Surrounded by Christmas celebrations, I have never had difficulty explaining to my children and my students that although we share with Christians a belief in God we go our separate ways in observance. They are a religion of creed and we are a religion of deed. They believe God became man. We believe man must strive to become more and more like God. We differ in countless ways. Yet Christmas allows us to remember that we are not alone in our recognition of the Creator of the universe. We have faith in a higher power. Wondering why we don't celebrate Christmas is the first step on the road to Jewish self-awareness. To be perfectly honest, Christmas season in America has been responsible for some very positive Jewish results. This is the time when many Jews, by dint of their neighbors’ concern with their religion, are motivated to ask themselves what they know of their own. To begin to wonder why we don't celebrate Christmas is to take the first step on the road to Jewish self-awareness. My parents were "reminded" of being Jewish through the force of violence. Our reminders are much more subtle, yet present nonetheless. And when Jews take the trouble to look for the Jewish alternative to Christmas and perhaps for the first time discover the beautiful messages of Chanukah and of Judaism, their forced encounter with the holiday of another faith may end up granting them the holiness of a Jewish holiday of their own. So this Christmas, pick up a good Jewish book or attend a Jewish seminar. Or check out my online course, Deed and Creed at JewishPathways.com, which explores the key philosophical differences between Judaism and Christianity. Call me naïve, but nowadays I really love this season. Because together all people of goodwill are joined in the task to place the sacred above the profane. 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Men in blech

What do you mean by scat or shit play? [Puddles] The word "Scat" is derived from the ancient Greek word for dung or excrement. The Jazz singing style is thought to be called scat because the singers are just 'talking shit'. In the context of this FAQ, however, Scat refers to sexual play involving shit. Shit play encompasses a 'Brown Rainbow' of sexual desire. Some scat players are only into the visual aspects, such as watching someone take a dump or looking at an unflushed toilet while aroused. Many are into smearing shit on their bodies. Some like to eat shit. Still others are into 'Farming' or gathering shit from public toilets. For most it is probably some combinatation of these activities. Mentally it is multi-faceted as well. For some it is an extremely intimate exchange between those involved, almost a sacrament. For others it serves as the climax of a heavy BDSM or humiliation scene. Even animal shit can be incorporated into scat play. Safe to say, if it has to do with the intersection of shit and sex, it?s scat. Do people REALLY do that? [RedRight]Yes, they really do. If you go explore some of the sites I list on my links page you'll find photographic proof. Aww, come on! Are you crazy? That?s sick! [Puddles] There are probably health-care professionals who will say that even masturbation is a sick activity given the right motivation. On the other hand, anything you do that you are comfortable with and don?t find the need to impose or inflict on uninterested parties isn?t sick. The biggest category of mental illness associated with scat is probably the guilt that some people feel from doing it. If you are, say, missing work to go looking for shit sex, you do have a problem. The shit, however, isn?t it. The problem is the obsessive behavior and that could be focused on anything. Being into shit, in and of itself, isn?t sick. [RedRight] Personally, I don't think so. Personally, you might. We could argue back and forth and probably never reach agreement. That's OK, as long as we can also agree that if my behavior doesn't harm you then you have no basis to try and control it. In short: Keep your laws off my body. Crazy? Define crazy. Outside societal norms? Certainly, and quite happy being so. That's part of the fun. Being outside of societal norms, however, is not, in and of itself, a bad thing. Society is arguably enhanced and strengthend by a diversity of behaviors. Behaviors outside the norm help define the norm. They are the societal equivalent of mutations in the biological world. A certain amount is necessary for healthy evolution and change. How can that possibly be erotic? [RedRight] I'm not sure I can really explain that. Fetishes and kinks work below the rational level of our minds, down near the subconscious. That's what gives them a lot of their power. A rational answer on a kink or fetish will always miss the mark by a bit. None-the-less, I'll try. There are many aspects of shit that are erotic for afficianados. Many of these are mental. For some the mere fact that it is so very taboo is enough to eroticise shit play. Add to that the fact that shit is highly symbolic, giving it a great mental kick. When you play with shit you are manipulating a huge variety of symbols and metaphors, many of them with powerful erotic content. For others, who find the exchange of power erotic, the complete submission given by accepting another's shit in or on yourslef is the key erotic element. For myself, there is an element of challenge to shit play: it is hard sex. That challenge is, in itself, erotic. Also, shit is an offering from deep inside the body, making it very, very intimate. Finally, its association with the anal region, a highly erogenous zone, adds to its erotic power. On the physical side, shit also has some very attractive elements. It's warm and squishy, like a fine mud on a hot summer day. The feel of shit on your skin can be very sensous. Even the smell, which we are programmed to dislike, avoid, and fear is actually an intense, rich, complex odor that can have many erotic elements if you just let yourself smell it. Finally, perhaps the overriding element, the sum of all the others: shit is INTENSE. Your whole body, your whole mind are wildly stimulated when you get into it. Isn't shit poisonous? Won't it kill you? [RedRight] No, it's not poisionous and playing with it generally won't kill you. Are a lot of people into this? [RedRight] That depends on what you mean by a lot. Scat is certainly not the most common of fetishes or kinks, but it's a lot more widespread than most people realize. Witness the fact that there are a fair number of commercial sex sites dedicated to it. That means there are a good number of people willing to pay to see it. The Scatsite portion of the Redright web gets about 600 visitors a day and it's just a relatively small, non-commercial site. It's just a Gay thing, right? [RedRight] Absolutely not! There are a lot more straight scat enthusiasts than Gay ones. We Gay boys don't have the corner on the market for perversion -- we just have more fun with it! Again, I turn to experience with my site: Early on I added about 50 Gay scat pics to my website and they were moderately popular. Then I added 12 straight scat pics to my site. They were so popular they very quickly started getting more traffic than the rest of my site combined. I had to remove them because the traffic was overruning my site. An unscientific survey with the aid of a couple of search engines showed that at least 80% of the web sites found in a search for "scat sex" will be straight. That's gotta tell you something. Is shit play illegal? Are stories, videos, and pictures of shit play illegal? I really want to get into scat play but I can't get past the smell, what can I do? [RedRight] While there are things that can be done to moderate the smell of shit you can't get rid of it. Stink is part of the essence of shit. In general, what you must set out to do is to reprogram your brain so that the smell is no longer unpleasant. How? Slowly. If you're asking this question there there is already some aspect of shit that is erotic to you. Work to build an association between that aspect of shit and the smell. Almost since birth, you've been brainwashed that the smell of shit is a 'bad smell' (and that shit was bad in general). The smell itself isn't really all that bad. All you have to do is gently undo that bad programming you've unconsciously received and replace it. The next time you take a dump and you're wiping, reach out with your mind to that aspect of shit that is already erotic and, once you've made that connection, take a good whiff of the dump you've just dropped. Sniff the brown smear on the toilet paper and think your favorite dirty shit thoughts. Your brain is a powerful associateve engine. There are hundreds of little everyday exercises you can do to build erotic associations with the smell. For me a lot of the aversion to the smell of shit was just unfamiliarity. My solution was to build familiarity. It's pretty normal for me now to take a deep long whiff of my dumps. Farts too provide great opportunity -- when someone blows a cloud in your vacinity your reflex might be to hold your breath. Get over it! Smell it -- there's treasure in the air! I really want to get into scat play but I'm afraid of getting together with someone and loosing it (puking, etc.). What can I do to prepare myself? What is meant by shit "farming"? (. and where can I get some seeds!) [Puddles] Farming is scat slang for collecting shit from public sources. It is scat without the donor knowing. The ?Farmer? usually traps shit in a toilet by turning the water off so it can?t flush or by using devices that allow water to pass through, but retaining the shit. Some farmers also search out beaches and parks were guys shit outdoors, like surfers at the beach or party spots in large parks. Some farmers have sophisticated ruses to get people to not flush the toilet. They might pretend to be a janitor and telling the shitting person that there is a plumbing problem. Some farming requires a lot of nerve, some a lot of patience. Outhouse lovers may fall into the farming category. [RedRight] I'll be selling the seeds in my new Yahoo on-line store very soon. :) How can I get the smell of shit off of my skin after a shit play session? What are the health risks associated with shit play? [RedRight] (Temporary answer whail I do a bit more research) Here are some links to information on infectious agents of concern to scat players: [Puddles] Shit can contain things that can hurt and even kill you. There are several infectious agents that can be passed in shit and are of particular concern. Parasites are at the top of the list. Giardia is common bacteria in the western US. I can?t say for the rest of the planet, but, it is here. It is found in ground water and works its way up. It is a bastard to kill too. E-coli gets a lot of press and is also a concern. There are many strains of e-coli, most are perfectly harmless, and some are only mildly dangerous. However, there are some strong strains that have surfaced in recent years, from livestock and their shit. They can make almost anyone sick, however they have only been fatal to children, the elderly, and others who have compromised immune systems. This is the same bug you can get from undercooked meats. Hepatitis, a virus, is the other major concern. There are shots for the more common A and B strains. A new strain, however, now referred to as C can kill you by destroying your liver. Without a transplant you will die. Think about how good your health insurance is when you consider this one folks! I know I can?t get a new liver. Is there anything I can do to protect my health before I get into shit play? [RedRight] (Temporary answer, copied from the Pig Pages Health Section) You should have the Hepatitis A and B vaccine, as well as pneumococcal (pneumonia) and a yearly influenza vaccine. You may even want to take the thyphoid series of vaccines. It's too late for precautions, I played, I got sick, what do I do now? How likely is it that the HIV virus will be passed by shit play? [Puddles] I don?t think it?s very likely. There are a few problems with HIV transmission during scat sex that aren?t covered in most safer sex guides. Gone are the days when we didn?t understand how the retro virus worked. Now we know. It is a big fucker and not very good at taking care of itself. HIV dies when exposed to oxygen. Temperatures below 70F or higher that 120F kill it too. If we were to blow up viruses to visible size you would see another important aspect of HIV: it's big for a virus. If the Rhino Virus which causes colds were the size of a penny, then HIV would be the size of a large beach ball. You can?t catch a cold without exposing yourself to Rhino virus through a mucus membrane. Most people get colds from breathing in Rhino Virus and it passes into us through the mucus in our noses. It?s too big to get through normal skin! Now imagine that beach ball HIV trying to get in. It needs a special point of entry. You practically have to roll out the red carpet. The easiest is injecting HIV directly into your blood stream. Or exposing an absorbing mucus membrane to enough vital HIV to allow it to survive being absorbed. Like your rectum or a woman?s vagina. It becomes much harder to transmit via excreting membranes like your mouth, nose, or urethra. The very act of excretion flushes HIV away. The mouth, in particular, is a poor point of entry for the virus since it is constantly excreting saliva, which flushes the HIV away. Breathing also keeps the mouth well supplied with Oxygen -- a killer gas to HIV. So, during a scat scene there are few opportunities for HIV to gain access to you. First, shit only contains small amounts of HIV and shit isn?t a very hospitable environment for HIV. Most of the virus would die. The shit would have to be pretty bloody for there to be enough HIV for transmission. Next, you?d have to expose your self to the bloody shit by shoving it up your ass. (By the way, if your partner has bloody shit, stop playing and call for an ambulance. Please.) Eating it probably wouldn?t provide a good enough opportunity for it. Smearing it exposes it to the air and kills it. So, I just can?t see where HIV transmission can occur in scat play. How do I know if it's safe to eat a particular guy's shit? [Puddles] If your donor has disease it can be passed to you. With this in mind consider who your partners will be in scat play. You should try to know the health status and recent history of your tops/players. Many of these ailments have symptoms. I would suggest not playing with anyone who is ill, uses drugs habitually, or lacks basic hygiene habits. Raunchy is cool, rotting might get you sick. What foods make the best shit? What are some foods to avoid? What kind of diet should I follow if I want to produce massive quantities of shit? [Puddles] Eat fiber. Lots of fruits and vegetables. The down side is that they will be very soft. For hard turds reduce your fiber and eat binding foods high in protein. People on the Atkins diet have very hard shit. The down side is that there is less bulk to it. A top holding off the urge may make bigger harder turds. The lower colon absorbs moisture from your shit. Reclaiming the moisture your body added to lubricate your food during digestion. How can I control when I have shit to play with? // How can I be sure I'll have shit for a shit scene? I'm going to feed a beginner, what should I eat to make my shit easier (blander, less stinky) for him to deal with? I'm going to feed a real pig who craves abuse, what should I eat to make my shit as fucking nasty as possible? I don't have diarrhea, but my shit is usually pretty soft and mushy, what can I do to firm it up? Can shit be stored? How is it best done? Is there an off-line shit newsletter or contact rag? Yeah, it's called Jack's #2 or The Shit List. (More information coming soon.) Is there an on-line shit mailing list? Yeah, about a dozen of them. (More information coming soon.) Are there other on-line resources for shit men? Are there any venues that hold shit play parties? [RedRight] Damn few. There are two that I know of, the most famous is 'het Vagevuur' in Eindhoven, the Netherlands. They have scat nights every other month (currently on the 4th Saturday). The other is the lab.oratory in Berlin where their motto is "dress dirty - play safe." They have some sort of scat event every month. Are there any scat clubs or organizations? What IRC (Internet Relay Chat) channels are frequented by scat players? [RedRight] On EFnet you will find #gayscat and #gayraunch. #gayraunch usually has more people on it but, as it's name implies, #gayscat is a little more focused. Where can I get some good shit videos? What is the story behind the classic "Dave's" "Basic Training. " and "Life of Service. " videos? [RedRight] Well, I only know a little of it. There are two series of three tapes each. All the titles in one series start with "Basic Training" and all the titles in the other start with "Feeding the Hungry" They were made sometime in the 80's with tender loving care by a handsome young guy named "Dave" from San Francisco. You can see the list, and order them from the Dirty Boys on their video sale page (http://www.geocities.com/the_dirty_boys/newdeal2001.html about halfway down the page. ) By my measure, the movies are probably the best shit films out there. The Federal Government, however, decided that this had to be stopped and got Dave on tax evasion. He was actually sent to jail from what I heard. He is out now, and living around SF, but, understandably, keeps a low profile. I would love to talk to him someday. I, personally, have a special connection to the video "Basic Training: San Francisco Style." It was my bridge from Fisting to Scat. There is a scene in it where a pretty young blonde boy (who I later learned was Dave, himself) gets fisted with a very full ass. Needless to say it gets wonderfully messy. I was so disgusted I couldn't stop watching it. I must have nearly worn out that spot on the tape. From there it was just a short hop to starting to watch other parts of the tape - starting my brown slide into scat. I have the pleasure of knowing two of the pigs featured in the videos and I have always intended squeezing them for more info. Someday, I'll have to get the whole story. For now, let's all just enjoy Dave's legacy. The Most Handsome Men in the World 2017. Who is the Most Handsome Man in the World 2017? This list is composed of famous living men from Tv, movies, sports, politics or models. We choose the most Handsome Men in the World 2017 according to your votes. Choose your favourite one and vote for him. If your favourite man is not take place in our list, we can add him according to your comments above our post. You can vote only once in 24 hours. End Date of Poll: 30 March 2018. The Most Handsome Men in the World 2017. Share this: About admin. Sometimes I wonder where the pictures they use came from. Some of them are so unflattering and are not a great representation of the person, so I know what you mean. I had to look him up as well. Never heard of him. He is a musician. Amazing how fast he jumped ahead by so many votes. Big fan club? Yes, a huge fan club. Not only, handsome, but very-very talented musician and a cute man. ? ? <3. David Garrett started play violin at 4 yrs old, he is one of the world greatest now, He plays crossover and of course the classics, has sold millions of albums. Grew up in Germany, but his mother is American so he is both he speaks German & English. He is also very very handsome, youtube.com/DavidGarrett. Go David Garrett. He’s incredibly gorgeous and talented. He has it all. Nick Bateman. The most handsome I’ve ever seen. Norman Reedus? Only if you like greasy hair and squished features. Blech. who the hell is david garrett?? Hell? Maybe hot as hell 😀 Google it 😉 And check out the pics I’ve posted. 🙂 And as Frog Says said 2 month ago: “David Garrett started play violin at 4 yrs old, he is one of the worlds greatest now, he plays crossover and of course the classics, has sold. millions of albums. Grew up in Germany, but his mother is American so […] he speaks German & English. He is also very very handsome” The most handsome david Garrett. Sam Heughan, without a doubt. First off, the end poll date is my birthday and i will accept gifts whenever. Second, SEB FOR THE WIN. VOTE EVERYDAY. David mi daroval krásné chvíle s klasickou hudbou,krásný a charismatický muž ! GO SEB. SEB FOR THE WIN. They are all very handsome but Sam Heughan is beautiful inside & out he has it all SAM to WIN. Charlie Hunnam and Sam Heughan are numbers 1 and 2 without a doubt. Dr. Ali Binazir, Happiness Engineer. Modern Science and Ancient Wisdom for Living the Good Life. 9 Reasons why men lose interest — and what you can do about it. Here’s a most excellent letter about a question that every woman has asked at some point in her life: “Why is it that a guy fiercely pursues a woman at first, and then when he finds out she is actually interested he is not so sure if he is interested anymore? And then his interest wanes and he starts treating her like an option instead of a priority? When can you let a guy know you are interested! At what stage? Is dating just one big game? How do you get a guy to treat you like priority instead of an option? For background, I’m 29, live in Australia, and I’ve been on 5 dates with this guy so far but we haven’t kissed yet.” — Sheila. Well well. An excellent question that has been posed by women since time immemorial. There he was, totally interested, looking dapper in his buffalo skin while nonchalantly swinging his club at the cave entrance, offering you some freshly killed mastodon meat. There he was, showing up outside your castle window every day in his mostly shiny but frankly also a little rusty armor, strumming his lute and warbling his troubadour songs. There he was at the opera house, his head low and eyes up giving him that simultaneously worshipful and conspiratorial look, passing you a note saying, “Meet me at the fountain when the clock tower strikes nine.” There he was, texting you right back when you texted him, even asking you out on actual grown-up dates to actual grown-up places like concerts and lectures, and then… poof. What is up with that?! Why do men lose interest? What, if anything, could you have done differently? Now, I don’t know exactly what was going on in your particular situation, Sheila, since I wasn’t there. However, I do know that I have been that man many, many times. Heck, I’m probably losing interest in someone right now , completely unbeknownst to myself but setting the mind of the poor lass on fire, and not necessarily in a good way. One saving grace is that most people, male or female, usually aren’t doing this stuff deliberately. It’s more accurate to attribute this kind of behavior to cluelessness rather than malice, with also makes it easier on you. In the meantime, it still sucks to be on the receiving end. So let’s go through some scenarios to make sense of this and maybe give you some tools for handling it in the future. To start, let’s talk about Relationship Physics. There are forces that strengthen the bond between two people, and forces that weaken it. For example, seeing a lot of each other generally strengthens the bond. Living far apart weakens the bond. Kissing and sex create bonding, since you’re producing bonding chemicals like oxytocin, which is why they’re called bonding chemicals. Shared values bond; their violation separates. If the net forces bonding a couple are greater than those separating them, they tend to stay together. Otherwise, they come apart. So far, so obvious. Now remember that in the beginning of any relationship — what we call “dating” — the bond is fragile at best, and nonexistent at worst. Two strangers are gambling on each other, hoping something may come of it. In the meantime, an endless panoply of potentially better choices are just a swipe, click or happy hour mixer away. As a result, nobody’s willing to invest a whole hell of a lot of themselves in anything. Why waste time when a better match is around the corner? Therefore, in the early stages of courtship, people in this age of electronic dating are in Merciless Elimination Mode. You support the wrong candidate? Forget about it. You own a yappy purse dog? Or a cat that sheds? What, you’re a lawyer? I’m sorry, what do you mean you don’t like the Grateful Dead, or hip-hop, or sushi, or my sportsball team, or coffee, or tattoos? You’re part of that religion? Eww yuck blech. Early on, people will eliminate a perfectly decent human from contention as Mr or Ms Right based on the most trivial and even spurious data that has little bearing on how well they’ll get along as a couple. And with the length of courtship going from months (see: Emma by Jane Austen), to days (see: 20 th century telephone era), to minutes for reading an online profile, and 0.3 sec to swipe left on a mobile dating app, this trend of attention spans vanishing to the point of not giving anyone their due is only getting worse. If you think this is lame and stupid, I wholeheartedly agree. I also urge you to stop doing it yourself , so at the very least you’re part of the solution, not the problem. In every interaction, whether on phone, online or in person, keep in mind, “There’s a real human being on the other end, and a small but nonzero chance this guy/girl could be my future ex-spouse.” So be nice now, and pay attention. With that out of the way, let’s talk about why guys go poof. 1. Something weird happened. Relatives and pets die. People get fired. Divorces don’t get finalized. Tax season hits. Oh no, final exams! People get sued, sick, or sick of getting sued. In the course of your brief courtship with someone, there’s always a chance that weird shit could happen. As a result, the stress levels of your paramour go through the roof, and your budding romance goes from Priority #1 to #73, right between “start watercolor lessons” and “re-string ukelele.” Here, let me share a story with you: some time ago, over the course of one week I had two first dates that I thought went reasonably well, concluding in semi-torrid makeout sessions. In my naïveté, I even considered one of the ladies to be marriage material. In the space of one week, one’s aunt died, and the other one’s father committed suicide by drinking Drano. Never saw either of them again. Now, if you’re already pretty well-bonded, these catastrophic events may even make you seek solace and support in one another, strengthening your bond. But in the early phases of courtship (e.g. after first date), it just blows things apart like a roadside improvised explosive device. Usually permanently. Time to move on. ANTIDOTE: This is not the kind of thing you can prevent or control. Shit happens. The key take-away from this is that you should not take such vanishings personally. Even when you’re 100% sure it’s about you, it’s almost never about you. If you were to remember one of the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Toltec wisdom, let it be #2: don’t take anything personally. Even if it is about you, thinking that it’s not about you keeps you saner in the long run. 2. The guy was only so interested to begin with. Men will go out with you for all kinds of reasons. He’s bored, and he finds your company marginally more interesting than a night of Archer reruns. He didn’t have the courage to ask your supercute friend out, but you were cute enough, more attainable, and standing next to her, so voilà. He actually likes you, but he finds your earnest Christian tendencies dampening his enthusiasm. He senses that his enthusiasm for sex is far greater than yours, and knows this won’t play out well in the long run. He senses that your enthusiasm for sex is far greater than his . He thinks you’re really cool and sexy, likes you a lot, but knows that if you two started dating seriously, you mesh so well you wouldn’t be able to break up, and you’re already 40 and not all that into having kids, and he kinda does want kids sometime this millennium. He likes you a lot — in fact, has nursed a crush on you for years — but suddenly finds himself allergic to your high-functioning alcoholism that he’s just discovered. Or, 95.4% of the time, he’s just thinking, hey, there’s an outside chance I could get laid here. Do men really have all these thoughts? Well, this man has. And I bet many other men have, too. So you need to know what you’re getting yourself into, and to compare that with what you would like to get yourself into. If you want fling and he’s thinking ring , there’s no ka-ching . If you want steady boyfriend leading to marriage and 2.3 kids and he wants Wednesday Arm Candy #3, we have a mismatch. On the other hand, if you’re both on the same page, whether it’s a short-, medium- or long-term page, things have a better chance of working out than when your relationship goals are at odds. And if his interest in you is limited from the start, then things can only go so far. ANTIDOTE: Know what you’re getting yourself into. Communicate with the fellow as clearly and directly as possible to find out what he’s looking for in a relationship: “So, what are you looking for in a relationship?” 3. You flipped the chase. Imagine you’re a lion on the African savanna, stalking a gazelle. You’re thinking, “Aw man, this is going to be great. This is going to be tasty. I’m dying to dig into this gazelle. Munchtime!” Your senses are on high alert, and you just can’t wait to pounce. Then, suddenly, the gazelle sees you from the corner of its eye, turns around, and starts galloping towards you at full speed. Whaaat?! This is not how things are supposed to go — I’m supposed to be the one chasing! What’s wrong with this gazelle? And it kinda does have pointy long horns… Ahh, do I really want to do this? Now, I’ve never been a lion or gazelle, but I can imagine that the chief emotion that the lion was feeling at that moment was confusion . Here was the lion, with its advanced hunting software doing what it’s been doing for eons… when suddenly, the chase flips itself. Now he has to rethink the whole situation, perhaps totally losing interest in this particular gazelle. Much simpler to deal with the script he’s familiar and prepared to deal with: Lion chase. Gazelle run. This one has happened to me a lot, and it operates at such a primal, unconscious level that even I myself marvel at the speed and vehemence with which I lose interest when she starts chasing me more than I’m chasing her. There was the girl who invited me to her senior year final dance in college who was all over me much more than I was all over her. There was the super sweet, cute Midwestern girl in med school whom I tried so hard to charm. And then I didn’t know what to do with her when she made those doe eyes at me and said she was really, really, really looking forward to hanging out again. Gaaaah. I can’t feel great about these stories since the experience for these ladies was probably not hugely validating. And hey, maybe I was just flattering myself and they weren’t that into me either. But somehow, for some bizarre, primal reason, once they started chasing me I just couldn’t be interested anymore. Keep in mind that there’s also a positive motive here. Most non-sociopathic men aren’t out to deliberately hurt women. We’re all interconnected at some level, and causing distress in another person causes distress in ourselves. So if I’m interested in just a fling and she’s making Scarlett O’Hara eyes at me, then I don’t feel like it’s right for me to lead her on. Also, after you’ve pined for so long for a woman, any woman to like you, having one pop up who actually does can be a terrifying experience. The gazelle’s charging me — now what? There has to be a catch. Much safer to bail than to deal. And at a very primitive level, remember that men enjoy the chase. That’s why the word chase is so often preceded by thrill of the . Why should he be thrilled about your taking away his thrill? ANTIDOTE: Once again, more cluelessness than malice operating here. Best not to take it personally. The antidote to this is the “one step forward, two steps back” protocol, as I describe it in The Tao of Dating , Ch. 11, p 241. Sometimes you have to prime the pump to get things going again. So you give him a call, send him a message, tease him a little, and make it playfully but clearly known that his company would be welcome: “So. When were you planning on taking me out again, big boy?” Then step back, and wait for him to do something. If he takes the bait, game on. If he doesn’t, give it a couple of days, then try again. If he’s tone deaf after three tries, move on. 4. He found a supposedly better deal. Once upon a time, I was dating three lovely women. Then I met this really cute, supersmart adventurous grad student at a party. We hit it off, the sex was amazing, and now there were four. And she was perfectly okay with my other liaisons. Jackpot! Until she wasn’t. A month into the relationship, she issued an ultimatum that, in retrospect, was such a marvel of simplicity and effectiveness that I’ve been teaching it to my female students ever since: “Listen, I think you’re really great, and we obviously have a great time together. But if we’re going to continue, I like to have depth in my relationships, and it’s difficult to get deep with you if I know there are other women involved. So if you’d like to keep seeing the other women, that’s fine, and I’ll miss you a lot, but I’ll have to bow out. But if you would like to choose to continue with just me and get deeper, I would really welcome that.” Within the hour, I had called it off with the other three. And, thinking about them now, they were great women. Now from their vantage point, there was no harbinger of doom, no sign, no celestial omen of nine ravens circling overhead skywriting “you’re about to get played” in Latin. To them, it was deus ex machina , an abrupt end without explanation. But from this vantage point, you can see the submerged part of the iceberg. And you know what? 95% of the iceberg is always submerged. Count on it. So did I make the right decision? Was she in fact the better deal? Well, that was one of the most disastrous relationships I have ever had. The woman in question turned out to be a dedicated misandrist (translation: she hated men) and a pathological liar who casually neglected to disclose the existence of a fiancé in Europe while she was declaring her undying love to me. I extricated myself the morrow morn (more like after a few months of weepy drama, actually, but who’s counting), a sadder and a wiser man. This all happened before online dating became so pervasive, and way before the swipey apps. Nowadays, I have heard of people pulling out their phones and swiping on Tinder not just in front of their lovers but in the very postcoital bed that’s still emitting steam from the just-transpired passion . And before you get all judgey, were you swiping during a bathroom break when you were on a date with a guy you liked? Of course you’d never do such a thing, but maybe a friend you know… ANTIDOTE: The multiplicity of false choice means that someone you seemingly get along with could just go off with somebody (or somebodies) else on short notice. Your awareness of the existence of such choice also makes you reluctant to invest too much, dooming the whole process from the start. Not much you can do to prevent that these days, except to a) select for people who share your relationship goals and are willing to invest some time to get to know you and b) refrain from embroiling yourself in digital dating so at least one of you remains interested in the courtship process. 5. There was something funny about the sex. Like most organisms, I like sex. A lot. And, like food, I’m particular about it. It can be too freaky. It can be too vanilla. There can be issues with noise, lack of noise, or unkempt pubic hair. She may want to smoke weed in my bed and set the bedroom, apartment and whole neighborhood aflame. Oh, and teeth. Perhaps people are even more particular with sex than with food. There’s some sexual analog out there for being vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, paleo, organic, eating your steak rare, whatever. I can see prolonged tantric sex mapping onto the slow food movement, and maybe S&M is like being a hot sauce fanatic. But what’s the dietary analog of having a foot fetish? Being a furry? Judging by the sheer proliferation and variety of porn sites, the number of sexual proclivities probably outstrips dietary ones by an order of magnitude. All this means that if there are many proclivities, it’s probable that your particular ones don’t line up. So if the two of you find out about this mismatch the first time the clothes fly off, it may just be the last time. This has happened to me many times, often before sex even happens. What else do I need to know once I’ve found out that she kisses like a mountain lion mauling a deer? I need to know where I can find my darn pants and car keys, that’s what. So while you may have been thinking, “Oh, such a typical guy — he must have been just after one thing,” what may have really transpired is that he was after a lot of things, but the prospects dimmed once he sensed you two were not sexually compatible. Once again, there’s no need to judge yourself — it wasn’t personal! What you’re looking for is a fit. And sexual compatibility is a big one, encoded at the deepest level of who we are — our DNA. If you’re not compatible, sometimes it means Mother Nature would rather not have you engage in activity that could result in gimpy offspring. For the love of the planet, keep on moving. A note about porn: thanks to the internet, young men nowadays have access to a quantity and variety of pornography unprecedented in the history of mankind. By sheer volume, this forms the bulk of their sexual education, the setting of their expectations, and the wiring of their neurology. So as a woman, it’s really important for you to know what you like and what your boundaries are and to stick with them — at least to start. Because you will encounter some outlandish requests, and you will want to say no. Porn is the fast food of sex: perhaps harmless in small enough doses, but a certain destroyer of pleasure and well-being in large doses. Be wary of those who make it the mainstay of their diet. ANTIDOTE: The way people smell is a big part of sexual compatibility, and there’s not much you can do about that. You either dig each other’s aroma or you don’t. However, if you’re a bad kisser, there’s no one to blame but you. And it’s always a good idea to have real skills in the sack. Nobody’s born a great squash player, calligrapher or lover, so it doesn’t matter where you start. But get better at it. Consult some books, classes and workshops and get thee some skills. Along with cooking and coding, there’s hardly any other learnable skill with such a high lifelong return on investment. I’ve already written a guide for men, but if y’all ladies complain loudly enough in the comments, I’ll consider writing a guide for you. 6. He kinda forgot how cool you were. Like all good hunters, guys are very attuned to what’s in front of them. Which means they’re a lot less attuned what’s not in front of them. Thinking about you and finding you attractive when you’re not there is an act of imagination that requires extra work. Whereas checking out the Sports Illustrated , Xbox or pony-tailed blonde right in front of him requires no extra work. If I’m talking to you at a social gathering, you’re more interesting to me than a magazine, video game or other women there — at that moment . But once I leave the place, you are now competing for headspace with everything else in the world. I get about 50-70 emails per day, and meet 5-10 new people socially per week. That’s about 2000 emails and 20-40 new people per month. There are also events, meetings, groups, friends, professional and family commitments. If you’re a single professional, chances are you’re way overscheduled these days. So even though you were the burning-hot center of this pulsating universe on that night that I met you, it’s far too easy for me to forget how fabulous you were… unless you remind me . Of course, you could also just say, “Well, if he’s not that interested, then I’m not that interested, feh.” And you would probably be right. But hold on here a minute — everything I said up there is true of everyone in modern industrialized cities. Unless we pay a little bit more attention and cut each other some slack, we’re all going to be right. But lonely. Moreover, as a guy, I’ve been turned down, rescheduled, stood up and ghosted upon so many times by fabulously busy women that at some deep unconscious level, I’m probably reluctant to even bother asking them out. So the busyness has a twofold effect: you can get lost in the crowd, and knowing that you’re probably booked, I become gun-shy and stop asking fabulous you out. ANTIDOTE: Luckily, the solution to this one is easy: let your presence be known! You don’t even have to say anything fancy — just say anything . Really. The three-letter text message “Hey” has probably resulted in more children born than any other text in history. And as men, by now we know that if you throw any amount of interest in our general direction, no matter how trivial, there is still hope. Also, when we’re dithering, we’re really looking for useful information that can help us decide. So if you do want to get fancy, there are subtly effective campaigns of reminding how cool you are which work well. Throw a dinner party and invite him. Connect to him on Facebook — great way to find out what a guy’s really like, by the way — and invite him to group events. Or just subtly showcase your full and exciting life. In other words, be on his mental radar. Even if it truly was meant to be, you first need to remind him that you exist. 7. You had incompatible attachment styles. Scientists have done much research on attachment theory, and there’s even a pretty decent popular book written about it. Without getting into the social psychology too much, a quarter to a third of all people have avoidant attachment styles. That means they may be really interested in you to start, but when the prospect of real intimacy arises, they unconsciously go “Eek!”, panic and escape. This escape tendency is particularly pronounced when you happen to have an anxious attachment pattern — what’s popularly called being clingy . You’re going to want to get closer and spend more time, which just makes him want to run even more. Of course, you can have a secure attachment style, be perfectly decent to someone, cook meals, be a great partner — and the other party will still escape. And then go shack up with someone who treats ‘em not nearly as well. Baffled? Don’t be! Attachment style mismatch often means doomed match anyway. Let it go. This kind of thing is going to happen with some regularity. And when it does, instead of blaming yourself or getting angry, count your blessings. You just dodged a huge bullet! Better find out you’re incompatible now rather than 7 years from now, with a custody battle on the side. ANTIDOTE: Attachment styles are established early in life and tend not to change unless you put in some deliberate work. So changing your own style is plenty hard enough without attempting to change your partner. There’s not a whole lot you can do about this one except to be aware of your own attachment style, and work towards getting yourself closer and closer to a secure style. This is not my area of expertise, so I refer you to the aforementioned Attached book. 8. Your first date did not go well. Let’s face it: dates are phony. Both parties are auditioning for one another. That means that while they’re in Merciless Elimination Mode, they’re also in Maximum Insecurity Mode. This is not a formula for two people connecting successfully. That said, there are ways to make it even more likely that your first date is your last. You can be more interested in talking to other guys, and give all of them your business card. While you’re in the car with me, you can take a phone call from a guy who is clearly setting up tonight’s booty call with you. You can have so many glasses of Chardonnay that you become incoherent before dinner’s even over. Do these things actually happen? To me, yes, and all in the last month . I’m sure other guys have even worse stories, and you ladies far worse stories than those. It’s one thing to deliberately signal to a guy that you’re not that interested in him. But if you’ve agreed to spend time together, you’re interested enough to give yourself a chance to know each other better. You effectively don’t know anyone at all until you’ve seen them in the context of their friends and family. And you know little about your compatibility after one date ( especially if it goes spectacularly well). So unless he looks like Jabba the Hutt’s overweight brother, was speaking with an open mouth full of meatballs, or often used the word “pork” as a verb over your romantic dinner at TGIF, do not press delete yet. Here, allow me to quote myself. From The Tao of Dating , Chapter 5, “Understanding Men, Understanding Yourself”: I always make a point of asking women in happy relationships – married or not – about how they first met their partners. And before even getting started with the story, many of them say, “You know, the first time I met him I didn’t really like him that much.” So it turns out that a lot of long-lasting relationships start with the woman disliking the guy somewhat, let alone having instant chemistry with him. ANTIDOTE: If you’re even remotely interested in a guy, give it at least 3 meetings. Keep your cell phone off and out of view, give him your full attention, and be interested. And, if you are eating together, don’t order spaghetti or a burrito. 9. You were dealing with a professional player. There is a certain class of men who are chiefly interested in RELDs — relationships of extremely limited duration. Their entire lives are run by this program that’s trying to maximize the number of women they have sex with, and program has no OFF button. If you meet him in Belize on a 3-day weekend you have specifically set aside for a fling, then fine — have fun with it. But if you’re looking for any kind of meaningful relationship, you must avoid him because he and his like-minded brethren will diminish the quality of your life in the long run. Some players are looking for the quick and easy score. This means that if you require any amount of courtship, he’ll lose interest and move on to less effort-intensive targets. Some players (e.g. Giovanni Giacomo Casanova) are motivated by the thrill of conquest, pursuing persistently until they get their trophy. Although this can be quite the ego boost, the problem is that both of these types of players routinely neglect that there’s a person attached to the body they’re trying to possess. They’re treating you as a means to an end, not an end in yourself. This is not a formula for making you happy. If he disappears, consider yourself lucky. ANTIDOTE: Like with crack cocaine or polio, when it comes to players, prevention works best. So avoid them! In this hyperconnected world, it’s easy to use online tools to find mutual acquaintances who will give you reliable information about what kind of person you’re dealing with. If he rolls in on his Harley wearing a black motorcycle jacket, that’s your sign. For a comprehensive guide, I refer you to my article “On Bad Boys and How to Spot Them” on the blog, as well as Chapter 5 from The Tao of Dating . Okay, now what? To summarize some of the highlights of what we discussed: When a man loses interest, most of the time, there wasn’t much you could (or should) do about it anyway. You guys weren’t a good match, or he was bad news. Sometimes, you really did pick your nose or rhapsodize too enthusiastically about your machine gun collection on the first date, so he legitimately ran. Other times, you just didn’t do an optimal job of presenting your scintillating personality to him, and an opportunity for a True, Everlasting Love Connection with Mr Darcy was lost. It’s okay; you’ll get better at this. Above all: do not take this stuff too personally. You can’t change his attachment patterns, the way he was raised, or how he thinks. What you can do is to get your own house in order . First of all, be good company. I’m not going to write a whole book here on how to be good at dating, because I already did that. The Tao of Dating , especially Chapters 8 and onward, cover that extensively. You can actually get the audiobook version for free at Audible.com when you sign up for their 30-day trial. If you’ve read this article all the way to the end — congratulations! This means you are potentially interested in forging a better version of yourself, and also have one hellva attention span. Merely understanding information , however, does not necessarily translate into transformation . Whatcha gonna do about it, lady? You’ve got to implement this stuff! Once you incorporate this into your actual behavior (and also meditate, practice gratitude, and a whole bunch of other fun stuff), that’s when your life starts to transform. To that end, I’ve created Project Irresistible , an online course that guides you through the steps of becoming the best, happiest version of you. And in honor of the first day of spring and the new year, the first 20 people to use coupon code “SPRINGY” get a huge ol’ discount. In the end, everyone that you meet is an opportunity to practice being more loving. And authentic happiness comes not from what you can get out of the world but what you can contribute to it. Keep those two principles in mind, and your love life — heck, all of your life — can only get better every day. attachment styles dating problems in Chicago dating problems in Los Angeles dating problems in New York dating problems in San Francisco dating problems in Seattle dating problems in Sydney how to deal with dating disappointment how to deal with players how to get a guy back how to understand men importance of sexual compatibility why do men suck why men disappear why men lose interest Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 26 March 2016. 25 Comments on “9 Reasons why men lose interest — and what you can do about it” Hi Dr. Ali – so how about if your relationship of 10 months is going this direction? Based on your information, I diagnose a bit “flipping the chase” as well as “incompatible attachment styles. I am actively working on becoming less anxious, as that is causing some problems with other relationships as well. We both want this to work – his only complaint is that I complain, as unfortunate as that sounds. Dr. Ali. you are spot on… Yet again! I actually had the pleasure of confirming one of your reasons a while back. I got a text (about 3-4 months after the fact) from the guy I dated briefly (4 dates, no sex) who ghosted me. I was surprised that he took the time to explain why he went pouf in the first place. To paraphrase, he didn’t want me to think that it was anything that I did or that there was a reason attributed to me. He explained that he was simultaneously seeing another woman from across the pond that he was mildly obsessed with and he went off to pursue that with gusto. From my perspective (since I am a Tao of dating convert), my approach to dating is similar to that of a student of the men I date. I sit, listen, watch and learn. So, this just served as confirmation that my instincts about him from the beginning were spot on. It was actually very empowering. I wasn’t sure why I felt him to be distant, not as engaged, etc . . . Now I had an explanation. So, in the end, it always goes back to being ruthlessly honest with yourself. If you’re feeling uneasy about “something” even if you don’t know what it is, your subconscious knows more than you. So, tread lightly. Most likely, the reasons why men go pouf have nothing to do with us. So…. who cares!! Keep swiping… Lol! P.S. I know you disapprove of my last statement Dr. Ali but I actually love Tinder and Bumble and have met some amazing men there. I’m confused. You say a woman should not chase a man…then later you say if she doesn’t hear from him, she should send him a message to let him know she’s still interested. What am I missing? Well, if your message says “take me NOW, big boy”, it would defeat the purpose. But unless you actually say something, there’s no way for him to tell you apart from the billions of women out there completely indifferent to his existence. There’s a pretty vast middle ground here of expressing interest — eg just by saying “hi”– without hunting him down, hounding him or asking him to father your offspring. Ok after 3 weeks of amazing we work together it’s ghosted me for a week “him and not me” speech….how do I give back clothes and pillows ect he left at my house without me looking like a crazy x girlfriend??we have to be friendly for work. Exactly what I thought! Contradictory advice … So, women who don’t necessarily find a date attractive should give him a second and third chance? Would you extend that advice to men? If he doesn’t find her hot or there are no ‘sparks’ on the first date should he entertain the notion of a second date? The issue I have is that this paradigm tends to be one sided. Women are asked to date less appealing and often less suitable men whereas it is considered perfectly fine that men will only date really hot women (hot, of course, being subjective). Mainstream media reinforces this message by representing unattractive or plain men with women who could easily model for “Victoria Secret”. Why is that men are given the leeway to forgo a second date based purely on appearances, whereas women are told to give him another and another chance? I have had far too much experience with this paradigm to have much patience for it. It is true that I have found men attractive that I did not initially (though because of circumstances nothing came of it), but never have I witnessed a man backtrack on the ‘hotness’ of a woman. Well, Dr Ali explains why it’s like that in his book. It’s important to know that men and women are different!! Personally, I’m a bit tired of women trying to be like men. We’re equal but different. For a man, it’s essential that he finds the woman attractive from the get-go, but a woman can grow to find a man attractive if he makes her feel good. Even if initially, he did not really find him attractive. And why so much focus on physical appearance anyways?? I think the most important is how he makes you feel. You could date a super hot guy and he makes you feel like crap. Physicall appearance is not everything. Met a guy over a year ago while taking a break from a long term relationship, we had a instant connection and we dated for maybe 2 months. Then, I decided to get back together with my then boyfriend. This summer fling kept texting me every couple of months to check in on me and see if I was still with my boyfriend. Well….fast forward a year later, my BF and I decided to call it quits. Time was finally right for us to get together. We dated for 5 months. About 4 months into it, I asked him to get off the dating sites, even though we had discussed taking our relationship slow, which I was fine with, just not the dating sites. Was I wrong to be upset over the sites? I truly got my hear vested with this guy and he broke it and will no longer talk to me because I got mad about it and told him it was BS! Is this just a typical player? I am so knew to the dating scene and I really want to wrap my head around all of this so I can move on. JJ, This is an old post so I hope you see this… You, and countless other woman have learned the hard way that you can’t force a man to do something he’s not ready to do. He has to arrive at the decision on his own. It’s all about not over-investing in a man and mirroring his actions. If he’s still on the dating sites, you have the right to be dating sites also, even if you “don’t want to”. The point is, you arrived “ahead of him” and should mirror his actions for your own protection. He will let you know when he’s ready to take his profile down. If he hasn’t, it simply means he’s not 100% invested in you yet. Lean back and mirror him, observe his actions and act accordingly. Don’t nag. Take care of yourself first, and when he’s ready to step up all the way, he’ll let you know. For more detail on this I highly recommend Katarina Phang’s blog, katarinaphang.com. She shares Dr. Ali’s eastern philosophy. Good luck…. Well said Aurora. Maybe he has trouble trusting u especially since u came back to him on the rebound (and he accepted). Maybe he wants to keep his options open in case u bail again. He seems like a decent guy it is u that needs to sort urself out tbh. Why does this ‘Finding Love’ thing has to be so complicated? What you should do, what you shouldn’t, there probably should be a manual Day-By-Day steps on how to properly date so you both can just fall in love with each other … I been single 3 years, I do want to find my other half and found what I was looking for on this one guy but feel like he’s fading away :( What am I doing wrong?? I’m me and I don’t want to show something I’m not, isn’t that also one big important thing? Seems like Love is getting harder to find without instructions. Oooh Diana, sorry about what you are going through. My girl tells me the same thing, “Stephen, its like you are not here, you are physically here but your mind is some place else. You are fading.” I am honestly nolonger enthusiastic anymore, I like her a lot, but I think that my fading is in part due to my inability to satisfy her sexually. Its smtg subconsciously sucking away my enthusiasm. I’m hoping you can guide me. Met a guy online. Chated for 2 weeks. (I know we were great before we even met) went on a date. It was so special. He even said he’s closing out his dating account. Second date he came to my house. He cooked, we hung out for 7 hours. He called our dates “magical” (He lives 2 hours away ). We left the date with another one planed for the following week. I got very comfortable with him and I think I killed the chase. 4 days later he txted with an excuse. I didn’t reply. It’s now 4 days since. Neither of us contacted the other. Should I contact him? Hi I met my husband on a dating site 9 years ago to recently find out he never came off them, hid them for 9 years!! Went on dates slept with people ect…….. They always want what they can’t have when they have it it’s never enough!! I suggest you find someone from somewhere other then a dating site lol. I will come out with you for drinks if you xx sorry you went through this but please be glad you found out now and not 9 years later. wow nice article. I’ve been dating this guy for about 9 months, he’s never made it official and gave some pretty convincing excuses as to why not.(pretty convincing at the time). During these nine months he’s had various issues which have caused him to lose contact and although I was skeptical about continuing to see him he tries harder to pull me back in. We start hitting it off again and then sure enough it all happens again, he barely tells me what he’s going through but just sayings it’s one of those days then I don’t hear from him for weeks on end. I feel like we have the same avoidant attachment side with maybe a hint of clingyness from my part. Just a hint, lol. I don’t know if it’s him trying to get rid of me or him just dealing with his own stuff. Should I ask him if he’s trying to end things or just leave him be? So about 2 weeks about my boyfriend broke up with me on the weekend of our 1 year anniversary and said he was no longer interested. We just got back from visiting his parents and that visit went amazing. I just dont know why he did it. He said either we would break up or get married. Why did this happened? Stop trying to make something work that isn’t naturally working. Just because you feel something strongly doesn’t mean he does. He might or might not – watch his actions for signs he’s interested. I love your writing style. I have The Tao of Dating. “Above all: do not take this stuff too personally. You can’t change his attachment patterns, the way he was raised, or how he thinks. What you can do is to get your own house in order.” This is great. Sums it all up really. Great read. Super insightful. Even though I can’t pinpoint which of these things is happening to me, it good to know that dating is just a game of chance. Sometimes, there’s nothing I can do and that’s way better than thinking I did something wrong. After reading your article I followed through with the “Hey” text since it took emotion out of anything else I was thinking…lo and behold, it paid off. We had more of a misunderstanding than anything and he thought I was the one being aloof! So, I then went right to the suggestion of “make him remember how sexy and fun you are” and he jumped on it with a date idea, time and place. I decided to post this, because maybe sometimes, we just overthink things and tell ourselves stories based in no reality. Hang in there for those seeking some guidance, and thank you for your insight Dr. Ali.